Okay, so I got way too busy and stressed with this needing-to-job-hunt thing to reach my goal for Camp Nanowrimo’s July session.
November is coming. And more than that:
I am feeling healthier and happier due to some lifestyle changes, and I have been pre-writing like a storm. I finally know how the Soldaris Saga ends, and what needs to happen in Shadowfighter to make it work. (Besides a title change before I publish it, but I’ll keep the working title until the end, I’m sure.) I also have a whole list of ideas that’s been building up over the last couple of years when I had no energy to work on those ideas just waiting to be turned into short stories and maybe even bigger works. I have so much more creative energy flowing both in and out.
Now that I’m not sedated on ineffective antidepressants, I can hear my own voice again. Not just the “I’m too tired and probably worthless, leave me alone” voice. That’s been buried under an avalanche of determination and “to hell with you, I’m someone awesome and I’m going to show the world as much”. And quite possibly drowned out by a ton of power metal too. (Love me some Hammerfall.)
Am I going to have setbacks and bad days? Yes. Yesterday was one of them. Am I still going to have days where I feel like I have no spoons? Undoubtedly. But I no longer feel like those bad days are the end of the world (except when I’m at the end of one of them and can’t sleep but that’s another story that only lasts until I’m tired enough to pass out).
So I might have ‘failed’ at Camp Nano this year. But the creative things I gained in July are so much more than a shiny big word count. While I wish they had an August session, they don’t. So I’m just going to have to save up for November… and blow those 50,000 words right out of the water!